


(you'll never hear me say) don't go

by kiki_bw



Category: EXO (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 11:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5374205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiki_bw/pseuds/kiki_bw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minseok and Luhan are two halves of a whole. A whole that is never complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(you'll never hear me say) don't go

Luhan leaves EXO. The sentence is simple in Minseok's mind, but in reality, it isn't. The dorm is quiet, too quiet. The members are all walking on egg shells, afraid that even the slightest misstep might set Minseok off. He' s sitting on the armchair beside the couch.

Their favourite place. Their place. The place where they both sat, together, even though the armchair was meant only for one person. And now, there will be only one person sitting in it.

It is not that they didn't know, because they did. They all did. They didn't think it would happen when Luhan fell sick. They feared a little, when he didn't seem to get better. Their convictions got stronger when he missed a concert owing to his failing health. All of them speculated, save Minseok. Because he was there, beside Luhan, every possible moment, worrying and he didn't have time to think of anything else.

So when Luhan told him (he told Minseok first, before he told anybody else), Minseok didn't know what to say. He wanted to say that Luhan was lying, that he couldn't possibly think of leaving him, because if he left, he would be gone, completely gone, at least for some time. Minseok left the room, the dorm, because it was suffocating and he couldn't breathe and he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he would never-- that they would never be-- he couldn't. He wouldn't. Minseok had spent long hours then on the banks of the Han, the quiet atmosphere horribly conflicting with his inner turmoil, until Yixing came to find him.

Yixing sat down next to him, staring up into the sky, maybe seeing stars Minseok could not because of the hot tears now running down his cheeks.

"I'm sure you've heard of the saying if you love something, let it go, right?" Yixing said.

Minseok half sobbed and half laughed because Yixing was smiling and how could he smile when all Minseok was was drowning in disbelief and anger and frustration at himself and his life.

They sat there until it was later than late and returned to the dorm where Luhan had been waiting anxiously.

"I'm sorry," were the first words out of his mouth and all Minseok did was hug him and drag him to their room where they spent all the possible time rediscovering old connections of their bodies, hearts and souls.

Minseok tried to understand, he did really, and to an extent, the rational part of him knew that this was for the best (he had seen how much Luhan was suffering), but then his heart overruled that part with pain, pain, and pain. But although he never said anything to Luhan, he knew Luhan knew (just like he knows everything else, because they don't speak with their tongues, they speak with their eyes and with their hearts).

They cried, everyday, until Luhan left (and even then, a lot more, because then it is all actually happening). The members cried, too, while seeing him off. Minseok saw him off last, unable to believe that he's capable of crying more after all the tears he'd shed the night before, holding Luhan close to him. Luhan had comforted him with his presence, but had never said it's okay.

Because they both knew it wasn't.

"It's for the best," Minseok muttered through his tears, trying hard, so hard not to sob when all he wanted to do was break down. He didn't know whom he was trying to convince.

Luhan hugged him tight in response, as if trying to assimilate Minseok into himself. They stay like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other, kissing furiously, because it wasn't not enough. It would never be enough.

"We'll stay in touch, okay. I'll call you all the time. And we'll Skype," Luhan said, when it was time at last.

>All Minseok could do was nod and wave his hand as Luhan had left. He left and the words _don't go_ are still there, on the tip of his tongue, unsaid forever.

And now Minseok sits, drawing shaky breaths, torturing himself by sitting where they both sat, the place that still has their scent, his scent.

The place that will soon lose his scent.

And Minseok loses it, breaks down but manages to hold on until he reaches their--his room. And _oh god_ , Luhan's scent is even more prominent here. This was a bad idea, a _bad, bad, bad---_

Minseok can't even think anymore. He feels dizzy; he's gasping, unable to breathe right because how is he supposed to breathe when his existence is on his way to China?

 

 

They had promised to keep in touch, and they try, they really do.

_But some things in the world are just not meant to be, and Luhan and Minseok are one of them._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like everyday, Minseok wakes up exactly a minute before his alarm rings. He sits up, slips on his slippers, and shuffles through his daily morning routine: brush, shave, shower, eat breakfast, drink coffee, leave for work, push through throngs of commuters in the metro and walk to the office, fixing his hair and tie.

The office does not have cubicles; something about promoting togetherness and teamwork and a few other fancy terms that Minseok had not caught in the Chinese garble his supervisor had spewed out. Minseok was sure that his English was worse than his supervisor's and had not bothered to ask for clarification.

Jongdae, his co-worker and best friend, greets him as he makes his way to his desk, early as always. He notices the small stack of files sitting in front of him almost immediately.

"Hey, hyung."

"Good morning, Jongdae", he replies, already flicking through the files.

They always speak in Korean, which Minseok is grateful for. He is bombarded everyday with enough of Chinese as it is.He really has neither the time nor effort to try and understand more of it. He knows that in spite of being a Korean like himself, Jongdae has a better aptitude for Mandarin than he does.

"So, what did you do last night?” Jongdae asks, perching himself on top of Minseok's desk and handing him a cup of coffee.

"Um...sleep?” Minseok replies, inhaling the rich aroma before taking a large sip.

"We left early yesterday, hyung. You slept for fourteen hours?"

"No, I didn't exactly leave early. Remember that album cover we're designing for that band? Some people are coming today; they want a report on it, which, of course, I had to write. In Chinese and Korean."

"You could've asked me to stay back, you know. We could've worked on it together."

Minseok shrugs and grins.

"It's okay. My supervisor ended up taking it off my hands anyway after he saw that I had my basic Chinese phrase book open in front of me. Which, by the way, is of no use. Besides, you had a Skype appointment with Joonmyun. How is he?"

"Great. We had a real fun time last night", Jongdae wiggles his eyebrows.

"Ew. No, I don't want to know", Minseok replies, shuddering.

Jongdae laughs and sits down on his own desk beside Minseok's. Minseok sighs, and opens the first file. It's time to work.

 

 

It's only halfway through lunchtime, but Minseok is already in his seat. He has to get cracking if he even hopes to get through those files.

The elevator dings and his supervisor steps out with two other men, one is in production in the Korean branch, Minseok knows and the other is the interpreter, he presumes. They talk for a few minutes until his supervisor and the producer move their conversation to the cabin and the translator is left staring around in the almost empty office.

 

 

Luhan looks around. There are only a few people at their desks. Lunch break, he guesses. He catches a guy staring at him. The man quickly averts his eyes and stares down at a file on his desk. Luhan can see a faint blush rising on the back of his neck.

Luhan stares at him, an odd feeling coming over him. Something that is definitely stronger than butterflies erupts in his stomach. His heart begins racing, blood pounding into his ears and his legs begin moving of their own accord, stopping only when he reaches the man. He has a strong feeling he has seen him somewhere. He rubs his sweaty palms on his trousers uncomfortably and opens his mouth to say something that is hopefully comprehensible and not nonsense garble.

"Um-hi. H-hello. Have we met somewhere before?", Luhan can barely hear himself ask over the pounding in his ears. "I-I feel like I know you."

The man looks up and stares at him. Luhan can make neither head nor tail of the expression on his face. All Luhan knows is that he can't stop talking. He has always been on the talkative side, yes, but never so much. He usually does not do monologues. All that his brain can register is the fact that he wants to know, know who this man was, know what his name was, know where he has seen him before, know why he is making him feel like this, _knowknowknow_. Luhan can feel the odd feeling shift, like it has a purpose now:to know this guy.

"Where do you live? Maybe we live really close, that's why I feel like I've seen you around. I really, really feel like we've met before. are you sure we haven't met? I'm not a very forgetful person, I remember stuff, I would've totally remembered someone like you", Luhan spews out before pausing, blushing when he realises what he's implying.

They stare at each other again, until the silence gets stifling and Luhan breaks it.

"You don't talk much, do you?"

Silence. Luhan's brain is slowly catching up to the situation. The man is still looking at him. As Luhan pauses, he slowly looks back to his files. Luhan looks around once more. He feels himself calm down a little, but the need to know is still burning. He takes a deep breath before continuing.

"I can really swear I've seen you before. Why are you being so nonchalant? I want to get to know you. You're just so mysterious and you-you're aura's scintillating. It's so so special, it feels so special." Another pause, another deep breath. _What the heck is he saying?_

"Do you believe in spirits? In souls? I'm a total sucker for all that. I. Um. We. Maybe we're spirits. Maybe we met in a past lifetime. Maybe, maybe we're soulmates." _Shut up, shut up, right now, Luhan._

And that thought terrifies and at the same time excites him so much that he loses that trail of thought. He stops himself before he can start daydreaming. He notices that the man is staring at Luhan again, with an impassive face.

"May I sit?", Luhan asks, dragging the chair from the nearby desk and sits without waiting for a reply. He realizes that the man might just be terrified at the prospect of meeting his soulmate (ohgod, _soulmate_ ) and decides to take this the calm and cool way.

"Do you believe in soulmates?", Luhan asks again, his heartbeat stuttering just at the word. "It's amazing, you know. As soon as I saw you, I just felt that I had to-" _know you, be with you, have you_ "-talk to you. Like if I didn't, I would lose out on something really important. Something like...life. It's a weird feeling. But very precious. Beautiful."

There _is_ something beautiful about finding your other half, but Luhan's other half is still silent. His soulmate just sits there, staring at him. At least now, Luhan has his attention, although he has no idea why he's acting like so cold. Luhan can admit that not everyone would be happy to meet their soulmate out of the blue like this, but...is he angry? Sad? Disappointed? Is he seeing someone already?

Luhan is now beginning to feel a little embarrassed. He sees his client and the supervisor stand up through the glass of the office. He hastily snatches a notepad from the desk and grabs the pen from his soulmate's hand and scrawls his name and number.

"Here's my number", he says, tearing off the post-it and handing it to his other half. "Just call me-whenever, okay? I'd love to talk more to you. Longer, especially. And maybe, listen to you talk as well."

Luhan gets up as his client approaches, shaking the supervisor's hands. As they say their goodbyes and thank you's, Luhan can really feel the embarrassment rise in full force. He leaves quickly, following his client and studiously ignoring his soulmate's gaze.

What was he thinking? He should've calmed down and not scared his soulmate off. He should've said something better...like a pick-up line maybe. He hadn't even replied to a single question. Oh god. He was angry, he was so so angry. Maybe he was seeing someone already. Luhan groans and facepalms mentally a couple of times, trying not to drown in his embarrassment.

He groans aloud and actually hits his head against the wall of the elevator, when he realizes that amid the utter crap he spoke, he didn't even ask for his soulmate's name.

 

 

Minseok sits at his desk,a little in shock but mostly in confusion, staring at the post-it in his hand until Jongdae comes back from his extended lunch break.

"Who moved my chair?", he asks, dragging it back to its place and sitting down heavily. "Hyung? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing", Minseok replies. "He gave me this."

"Who he?"

"The translator guy."

Jongdae glances at the post-it.

"Luhan?" he asks. "And there's a number on this, too."

"He was talking to me, but it was all Chinese. Much of what he said isn't in my phrasebook."

"So? Hyung, he was translating, he obviously knows Korean, why didn't you talk to him?"

Minseok opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again.

"Call him later, he obviously wants you to call him."

After a long pause, Minseok says, "Jongdae?", a pause and a deep breath. "I felt very weird. I still do."

"Weird? What do you mean? Do you feel sick?"

"No, just weird. My stomach is turning somersaults and my heart keeps thudding loudly."

Jongdae actually rolls his eyes.

"Hyung, you can just say you liked this Luhan guy, okay? You don't have to pull all this crap on me."

Minseok makes a distressed sound. "I don't like-" He stops abruptly, staring at the post-it in Jongdae's hand. "Jongdae, how did you meet Joonmyun?"

Jongdae stares at Minseok, his mouth agape.

"You think-?"

Minseok bites his lip and looks away.

"This is great! This is absolutely great! Now-- hyung? Where're you going? Hyung!"

But Minseok doesn't wait to hear more. He bolts to the elevator, thankful that it's unoccupied and presses the button for the ground floor, tapping his foot impatiently until the elevator reaches.

He just met his soulmate. His soulmate. Oh god, why is he so stupid? Why couldn't he have atleast attempted to talk to him? Why was his Chinese so fucking horrible? Whywhywhy--

He runs down the lobby and out into the street, trying to hunt for blonde hair among the office workers returning from lunch break. He jogs down the pavement until the corner, eyes scanning the crowd, until he's sure that his soulmate is nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, he remembers the post-it with the number still clutched in his hand. He dials the number quickly.

_The number you have dialed is not a valid number. Please check your number and try again._

 

 

Minseok does try. He tries, and tries again and again.

_But some things in the world are just not meant to be, and Luhan and Minseok are one of them._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's cold, freezing, actually and Minseok can't think of why on earth he's outside in this weather, until he remembers that he isn't home, that home is probably some thousand miles away.

This is Beijing, the capital of China... and Minseok is lost. He has absolutely no idea where he is, nor, by this time, where he wants to go. All he knows is that it was some park with a relatively easy name that he thought he could pronounce, but it's obvious now that he thought wrong.

He's shivering, feeling the cold seep in even through his gloves and thick coat. The Google map on his cellphone is making even less sense, now that his hands have begun trembling. The Chinese characters are swimming in front of him. He needs to get back to his hotel, and fortunately he still remembers its name.

He must be butchering up the tones, Minseok thinks, as he trudges on towards where he thinks he came from. A few attempts to ask the people around the name of his hotel have proved futile, with puzzled looks and shaking heads as replies.

Why, _why_ , did he come alone to Beijing of all places on a vacation? All his friends had bailed days before they were supposed to leave, and Minseok had figured that he could probably manage alone. Besides, this trip had been planned for the sole reason that he needed a break from work. But, now Minseok realises, he should have never come here without Yixing. If he hadn't come here, he'd probably have been at home, drinking hot coffee and watching some lame melodrama on the TV. This was a bad call on his part, a _really_ \--

Someone bumps into him, hard, as he turns round a corner, making him fall smack on his ass on the cold pavement.

There's a man in front of him, speaking what seems like garble to Minseok. All he can catch is the word for _sorry_ (probably the only Chinese apart from _ni hao_ he had picked up from Yixing).

The stranger helps him stand up and he brushes the seat of his pants, before jumping in surprise as the stranger starts brushing his pants too.

"It's okay, it's alright," he says hastily.

The stranger pauses, looks at Minseok and then says haltingly in Korean,"Korean?"

He smiles dazzlingly as Minseok nods and says,"I'm Luhan. Nice to meet you."

 

 

They bond over coffee. Luhan takes him to a small and comfortable café, where, he claims that they can stay until the evening and no one would say a word. Minseok doesn't mind testing that as he finds himself drowning in Luhan's eyes.

"How do they do that?" he finds himself asking without actually realising it. "How do your eyes shine like that?"

Luhan smiles again as Minseok sputters, trying to apologise, but not really managing to do so.

"Maybe it's because of you," Luhan replies.

There a pause for a second before they both burst out laughing at the cheesiness.

 

 

They do stay in the café until it starts getting dark outside and Luhan offers to accompany Minseok to the hotel. Minseok doesn't miss the way his eyes darken when he says that and he doesn't hesitate to ask Luhan to come up to his room.

 

 

It must be nearing dawn, Minseok thinks, when the sheets on the bed rustle with movement. He cracks open one eye, seeing a beautiful silhouette dressing. He sits up and shivers a little as he emerges from his cocoon of blankets.

"Did I wake you up?" Luhan says, now fully dressed.

He comes and sits next to Minseok and kisses him softly. Minseok is barely listening as Luhan tells him how he has to go back to his apartment because there's work that he has to do. Minseok offers to see him off by the corner of the street where his hotel is.

They walk in silence. There's nobody on the road and Minseok can't believe that a city that was so buzzing could also be so quiet.

As they reach the corner, Luhan promises that he'll call him and they'd meet for lunch. Glancing around surreptitiously, they hazard a kiss or two until they're out of breath. With a last wave, Minseok turns around with a smile as Luhan crosses the road.

Suddenly, there's the sound of a sickening crunch and a blaring truck horn and Minseok whirls around.

And then he's running, running even when he can't feel his legs at all and he can hear someone screaming (is it him?) because there's no Luhan anymore, there's a truck where Luhan was and now it's speeding away, leaving behind a sea of red and a mangled body.

Minseok falls to his knees, legs finally giving out. It doesn't feel real, it feels like he's watching and hearing from afar, like he's watching through water and there's cotton in his ears.

It feels like he's surfaced when suddenly there are people around them yelling incoherently and talking into cellphones.

But all Minseok sees is _him_. His shaking hands grasp _his_ still one, maybe in an unconscious effort to check if he's still--

No. No. _Nononononono_ \--It can't be--He _can't_ be--

They'd just met, that wasn't enough. There is still so much he wants to say, to tell, so much he wants to _listen_ to, and now he would never--he could never--

Minseok draws in a shaky breath and vaguely realises that he's been sobbing and crying. The paramedics soon come and they usher him into an ambulance.

Minseok is numb. He can't listen to any of their questions or even think coherently enough to answer them. All he can see are _his_ eyes, the sparkle in them that is now gone and will never be back.

The sparkle that Minseok would- _could_ \- never see again.

 

 

Minseok fell in love in Beijing and he still loathes it. It isn't fair. He fell in love. He should be able to experience it.

Minseok spends the rest of his time in Beijing (the rest of his life, really) trying to forget his love. He tries and tries and tries (but he can't).

_Because some things in the world are just not meant to be, and Luhan and Minseok are one of them._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minseok lets out a sigh of contentment. He turns and buries himself in Luhan's chest, entangling their legs even more, trying to get impossibly closer.

Luhan laughs, a rumbling deep in his chest, when Minseok's hair tickles his neck. Minseok smirks and does it again, and again, until Luhan is laughing out loudly, breaking the silence of the night.

"Shh", Minseok says, with a finger on Luhan's lips. "You know we can't be heard."

It's a painful reminder of what they are and what they can't be.

Minseok finds himself staring at Luhan, at how the moonlight streaming in from the open window frames his perfect face, his hair tousled from what they'd been doing just minutes ago and his lips, his perfect lips so soft against his finger.

Minseok feels something rise inside him as Luhan softly drags the tip of his tongue against the pad of his finger, eyes going dark.

And then he doesn't know if Luhan is reaching up or he is going down, all he knows is the taste of Luhan's lips, the dance of their tongues to the melody of their breaths, firm hands gripping his hair and sheets being kicked off. He grinds himself against Luhan, breaking off the kiss in a breathy moan. Luhan arches against him as he pressses fervent kisses against his jaw and neck, venturing into ticklish areas again.

Luhan laughs and moans at the same time and it's a strange sound but it doesn't distract them and soon Minseok is rocking into Luhan, slow at first, then hard and fast as they chase a place where they can be together forever.

 

 

The first traces of sunlight are not visible, yet they know that dawn is here. Maybe it is the growing sense of impending doom in their hearts.

Because their time together has come to an end.

"Don't cry", Luhan says, wiping a stray tear that trickles down Minseok's cheek.

And Minseok laughs while he sobs because how can Luhan say that when he himself is crying.

"You're nose has gone red", Minseok replies, slowly cupping Luhan's face with a hand.

Luhan smiles wanly, because he really can't think of any retaliation when all that's there in his head is how they'd probably never meet again, how they would never feel each other like this, how he would have to brand Minseok's face in his mind, on the back of his eyes so that he could see his love everytime he closed them.

But humans are humans and their memories are a sieve and that is what they are afraid of the most. Of forgetting each other, of that day, when they'll wake up and not think of each other the way they do now.

Luhan draws Minseok close. Their tears mix in rivulets of pain as they share a kiss, a last, true love's kiss.

Luhan rests his forehead against Minseok's, eyes wide open and staring into the depths of Minseok's.

"I love you", he says, and Minseok replies, "I love you, too. Always."

They both know it's true, but at the same time, it's not. It's true they'll love each other for eternity, but it's also true that they'll probably find someone else to spend the rest of their lives with.

Or someone will be found for them, the way someone has been found for Minseok.

"I have to go", Luhan says, as he kisses Minseok one last time.

"I love you", he says again because those are the last words he wants to say to the love of his life.

And also because Minseok's soft _I love you_ is the last thing he wants to hear from him.

 

 

Minseok exhales loudly, standing in front of the large oak doors of the cathedral that are now shut, only to be opened when it's time for him to enter.

His officers have already entered and now it's his time.

Another deep breath and he's as ready as he can be. He _has_ to be.

As he silently walks down the aisle, all eyes are on him, but Minseok can only feel the presence of one person. He knows Luhan is standing amongst his officers, dressed in his uniform that accentuates the sharp lines of his body.

But Minseok doesn't spare him a glance and he's sure that Luhan doesn't either. Because there no longer exists a Luhan and Minseok because Minseok is minutes away from being married off to the prince of another kingdom.

He kneels down next to his fiancé in front of the High Priest. They don't smile. They never do.

_Here we are today, gathered in the holy presence of the Gods, to witness and bind in matrimony Kim Minseok, the Crown Prince of the East and Oh Sehun, the Crown Prince of the West..._

Minseok knows that Sehun knows about him. In a desperate bid to stop the marriage, he had told Sehun everything, but it was all futile.

 

 

 

Minseok had tried his best, all that he could have possibly done, but sometimes, only love is just not enough.

_But most of all, some things in the world are just not meant to be, and Luhan and Minseok will always be one of them._

 

 

_**A/N: #2 is inspired by[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCe7xHPkzUo)** _


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